God's perfect timing?

 Is God't timing ever perfect? Does it ever work out how we want?

Sure, sometimes it does but I'm guessing if we were honest most of us haven't liked his timing.The timing of my dad passing, taking on a 4th child along who has disabilities along with Bill's diagnosis isn't Exactly the timing Bill and I would've planned!  

I have been sent this sweatshirt 4x in the past month. And each time I have chuckled and said "Right?!"

Here's the thing, the sayings like:

"God never gives you more than you can handle" OR "Everything happens for a reason" 

These are cliches that people have made up to make others feel better.  They aren't true statements that have biblical backing. In fact biblically speaking God never says you will be without heartache or pain. He never says he will not give you more than you can handle. 

What God does say is:

"My grace is sufficient for you and my power is made perfect in weakness" 2 Corinthians 12:9 

In Psalms 46:1-3 it says "God is our Refuge and Strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, the mountains tremble at its swelling."

So, as Bill and I are walking out these 3 Major life traumas we can see Gods hand, his timing in events. Would we have wanted to have all 3 at the same time - Hell No!!  But we clearly can see God's hand at work. 

A. My dad's passing - we knew my dad was sick. His appointment at Fred Hutch confirmed that in April of this year. He needed a bone marrow transplant to survive. The doctor looked at us at that appointment and told us "You are one bad infection away from dying". He was a month later denied the transplant by medicare. We moved forward with the him & Thomas moving to Seattle at the end of July. When my dad was found unconscious on 6/3 we still never thought when we put me on the plane that night that it would end in his passing. In fact we thought, let's get him better enough to travel & put him on a plane to Seattle ASAP.  God knew then what was coming just 2 days later when Bill would get the news that they'd found a spot on his spine & referred him to oncology.  And God knew that 2 weeks later the diagnosis would be cancer.  He knew that I would not be able to take care of 2 sick men. And it was one really bad infection, sepsis that ended his life here on earth.

B. Thomas - when my mom passed away 6 years ago we thought about bringing my dad & Thomas to Seattle then. After lots of prayer & weighing all the options Bill, my dad and I decided keeping them in Fl was the best idea. Our kids were a lot younger and bringing them to here would've been life altering for our kids and our family at that time.  Now, our kids are 6 years older and this move has been much smoother & easier,  I won't say it's been a cake walk. It's never easy bringing in another person into your existing schedules, home/family life. Let alone an adult with intellectual disabilities.  We are creating boundaries, expectations and rules for everyone.  He is acclimating well to our family & we are finding a groove. God knew that now was the perfect timing and not 6years ago.

C. Bill's diagnosis - although hard and not the path we'd choose to walk. We see God's hand in it. Bill will admit his faith had grown stagnate. He loved God and served him. But he could've been more passionate.  Noting like a cancer diagnosis to ignite your low burning flame again. He tells everyone that God is going to use this for a greater purpose. He shares about putting his hope in God not men. He is in prayer daily, sometimes hourly. He created a worship list that he sent out to others, in which he is continually adding to it. And he has told our children that we are going to praise God through the storm. 

So, even though this looks not like God's perfect timing to others, we can see God's hand all over it. As we walk these journeys together as a family we will do so knowing that God is our Refuge, God is our Strength and God is our conquerer.  And with Him on our side we will find peace & hope during our journey.

Week of rest (July 27th)

The last 8 days have been days of rest here for Bill and our family.  It was a much needed week. Bill had 2 appointments down at FH and had some dental work done. He got his eye exam completed & ordered new glasses. He is trying to get his necessary appointments done prior to treatment starting.

Ellia returned from Girl Scout camp with lots of stories from her week as a PA for the littler girls. This year came full circle for her, she has been going to camp since she was in kindergarten. 

Addie was in College Station TX at Jr Olympics Nationals where she competed in shootout & hammer. Bill's cousins wife, Christy took her since we needed to stay behind. She returned excited about her experience & ranking 10th in nation in her age group. Christy and her had a great time!

Micah got his braces off earlier than expected and enters High school in the fall with perfectly straight teeth - accomplishing his goal. 

And a construction crew began work on turning our formal dinning room into an office/quarantine room for bill while he is in treatment. It will be a space he can rest, be on work calls and isolate if needed when one of us gets sick.

Bill's week although not "busy" with appointments like the last few weeks was a hard week. I think when you have the down time like we did you have time to let the body truly "let down" and absorb what is truly happening. We both felt the funk take over. And truth be told once you get into that space it's easy to stay there. It's incredible how our marriage works though.  On the days I feel it most he is up and supportive. And on the days he is down I am able to rally him. We are definitely supporting each other. 

As a wife, mother, aunt & now caregiver I am feeling the pull from every direction. And it is truly exhausting!! I visited the doctor & got all my levels checked. Trying to stay healthy as I can too. I also had my first acupuncture treatment & felt it to be very relaxing! All in all I am handling things well, which is unusual for me. I am a high strung/anxious person normally.  But somehow there's this side of me that is cooler, calmer coming out.  Not always, but she is there & she has started to show up. I pray she shows up more & is truly able to help everyone in the house during these next 6months of treatment.

This week with Bill down a few days due to pain (from getting some much needed dental work) I did glimpse the future 6mo a little.  He slept a lot. He was more withdrawn and pulled away from us. He has dropped some weight and it is starting to be noticeable. We joke that luckily he had some weight to loose & won't look skin and bones during treatment. However, after two days of this I emotionally told him what I was seeing, how I was feeling and my fears.  He sat there listening and at the end said "I have not given up". Although my heart knew this my mind did not and watching him like this made my despair spiral more. 

I know that Bill will fight, I know that this will be hard & I know that together we will be Strong.  BUT it is hard to watch this strong, anchor of a man look frail & down. I keep reminding myself that He is strong, he is ready & he wants to fight this battle - even if it's a battle that we wish we didn't have to fight. 
 

Stronger than you realize

 

“Cancer is just a blip in my already Blessed life”

Today I listened to my husband talk for 35 mins about how lucky he is, how Blessed his life is, how supportive our friends & family are, how much this cancer diagnosis has already affected him & how he tremendously wants to use this for good.

I sat there listening to him, wiping my own tears and was in awe of his strength. He admitted to me things I’ve never in 19years heard him admit. 

The truth is he never saw himself as strong.

This cancer diagnosis has made him see just how much he took for granted. How much he overlooked things and thought “I’ll do that later” And he’s realizing that things will be changing.

He is in awe of how much our friends & family have done. How much they’ve stepped up. 

He talked about how people have cleaned our house, cleaned out a bonus room, took 1600lbs of junk to the dump, mowed our lawns, bought groceries, cooked meals and so much more!! People have done this because they want to help. 

I re-iterated to him that they’ve also done this because Bill, my love, you Are a Good Man! 

You are stronger than you realize & you are a fighter!! 

Bill’s official public announcement

 

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare  and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.

Jeremiah 29:11-13

This has been a tough month in the Detlor house.  Gina’s dad passed away after a long fight with MDS.  We have a new member of Team D, Thomas, our 19 yr old nephew is now living with us (Gina’s parents adopted him when he was 4). 

While Gina was in Florida helping her Dad walk his road, I was here at home silently walking my own road.  On June 5th I had an appointment with my physiatrist to review an MRI of my back.  Fully expecting to find a herniated disc, I was met with some unexpected news that there was a mass on my spine.  I called Fred Hutchinson Cancer Center, and the Lord moved mountains to get me in quickly.  After a couple of weeks of poking, prodding and more scans than you can imagine, I have been diagnosed with Non Hodgkins Lymphoma. 

God is good!  God is faithful!  I’ve always had faith, but understandably when you hear the words “you have cancer” that faith is challenged.  There are two choices, blame God and be angry, or trust that God has a plan that I don’t understand and lean into Him.  I choose the latter.  This past month God has shown up in the big and little moments.  Too many times to list them all here.  We can see how over the past couple of years, the Lord has been making changes in our lives to prepare us for this moment, this battle.   

This is not the road I would choose, it is the road our family has been called to walk, and we will walk this road faithfully knowing that the Lord will be with us every step of the way.  God is good!  God is faithful!

Now it’s time to fight.  Most of you know me well enough to know that I’m a pretty stubborn old wrestler who knows how to push through a tough fight, Lord willing, that is what I plan to do!  No one fights alone!  We will be leaning on all of you as we go forward.  Team D is what we have called our family since we got married.  This past month I’ve come to realize that Team D is much larger than our family of 5.  Team D is all of you, our friends and family!  TEAM D STRONG!!

**We aren’t at a place to share a lot of detail, as things are still pretty fluid.  We welcome and any all comments, please keep them positive. (My fight, my rules 🙂)

How it all began

You’re here and you’re wondering how did this happen? 

How did Bill find his cancer?

To answer this we need to go back a few months.

Bill got asked to coach the High School Throws team at our kids school, CPC. He’d coached at the middle school for 2years. He was excited to coach the girls in high school & was looking forward to it.

The season started off cold & wet. Somewhere in the first few weeks he was demonstrating a drill and “tweaked” his back. Thinking nothing of it he pushed forward. Doing all the normal things ice, stretch & anti-inflammatory meds.

By the time my Dad came to visit for his consultation at Fred Hutch in April his leg was now part of the issue. He started going to chiropractor and I sent him to Airrosti for deep tissue massage. Finally after my prodding he went to doctor. Doctor put him on muscle relaxers and gabbapinton with a referral to PT. The drugs weren’t touching the constant ache. And PT seemed to relieve it only for a few hours. By mid May his doctor ordered an MRI.

The MRI was completed a few days before my dad was found un-conscious. I had flown to Fl overnight because my dad was in ICU & very critical. The doctor called him he had herniated disks & told him to come in 6/5 to go over mri. Which was days after I had already been in Fl with my dad who was still in ICU.

That appointment on 6/5 is where the doctor told Bill “we found a mass. It could be cancer but we’re not sure, we’re referring you to oncology. They’ll call you for an appointment”. Bill left confused & shaken. He waited for Everett clinic oncology to call for 2 days, nothing. He called them and they said “yep, you’re in the Que, we’ll call you when we get to you”. Bill not wanting to wait longer & not wanting to tell me anything until he was sure decided to act on his own. Thanks to my dad’s consultation at Fred Hutch just months before FH was fresh in his mind. He called them and left a message about his situation. Within 12hrs he was called back, appointment booked for the next day & he was on his way to answers. 

When you first get to FH you’re put into “undiagnosed mass” clinic. He was paired with a wonderful ARNP named Carrie who went above & beyond. The first day she ordered 18 vials of blood & Bill learned that he too is a hard stick like me. Carrie moved mountains to get tests, imaging, CT scans and more completed within days. Outwardly Bill looks healthy & all of his normal labs are perfect. He likes to say “I’m the healthiest fat kid you’ll find”

But these scans and blood work confirmed - Cancer. They revealed spots on his spine, skull, 1 tiny spot on a single rib, giant mass in his thigh muscle (prob where it started), hip bone & 2 tumors on his right kidney. The pain in his leg? Cancer that had deteriorated his femur bone and had a fractured the femur bone. He had coached all track season on a broken femur! He was immediately told to be non-weight barring & Sent home with crutches. 

However, hardest part of that appointment that day  was the doctors telling him he couldn’t fly. Because of the spot on brain - the brain mri was for 6/24. My dad’s condition hadn’t improved & we’d made the hard decision to put him in hospice on Fri 6/21. On Thurs 6/20 my brother & John flew to Fl to be with me & Bill told me he couldn’t come till after another mri on his back (not wanting to tip me off). I was speechless. At this point I’d been in Fl for 19 days alone. I wanted my husband. I was so upset I told him I couldn’t talk to him. I called my friend Briana and sobbed. She told me she was coming to Fl. I argued with her. Told her No! She said I’m coming, I’ll stay till Bill gets there but you need someone. What I didn’t know was my friends had already begun trying to figure getting to Fl to be with me. They had told Bill their plans & they began working out the plans. Briana called me back later that night to tell me 3 of them were coming & would be there the next day, when my dad went into hospice. Well if you think I was mad about Briana coming, how do you think I responded about 2 more? I told her to cancel tickets. She told me “you can’t tell me how to spend my money” Exhausted I gave in & went to bed.

Friday 6/21 - just a normal day at the hospital where I’d spent the last 20 days for 8-10hrs daily. Except friends & family visited to say goodbye. And at 3:30 they wheeled my dad down to hospice. We left to rest up & go back that night to orchestrate goodbyes for Thomas, my sister & niece via FaceTime. The ladies arrived 30 mins before we left for hospital again.

We returned to my Dads house from hospice around 9pm. I went to bedroom to talk to Bill. He had texted one of them to tell them he needed them to be with me bc he had news he needed to share. To support me. Over FaceTime Bill told me he couldn’t come to Fl. When I asked him why he said “Baby there’s no easy way to say this but I have cancer and the doctors won’t let me travel” My world went numb. I know there was lots of cussing, throwing of things and crying. The love of my life had just told me, my friends and brothers that he had cancer. And my world was now even more filled with grief.

That weekend was a blur. My friends fed me, made sure I drank water, gave me whiskey, slept in bed with me & walked me through my dad’s passing. He died at 8:30 am Mon 6/24 just as I knew in my spirit he would. And I began the process of coming home to Bill and my family to fight his cancer battle.