God is in the details

 Team D is a phrase Bill coined when we got engaged. Anytime we had to get something done, had to face a challenge he would say "We're Team D - we got this".  Always in the coach mindset.  It's how I have signed our Christmas cards each year, how we rsvp to events, cards/mail comes addressed like this & when it's time to leave we call out "Team D let's roll" - it's our calling. To know us, is to know, we Are Team D.

When my father passed away the dual Guardianship I had of Thomas for the past 2 years reverted to me. Making myself & our family his guardians. He is now living with us full time. I will write a post later about how this is going & how our family is adapting.  

The other night a friend sent me a message. Asking if I'd ever looked at how Team D is spelled out. What? No! 

T = Thomas

E = Ellia

A = Addie

M = Micah

WHAT the heck?!  Mind literally blown!! She went onto to point out that the initials are also in Birth order! Here's where it gets interesting.......

Bill came up with Team D pseudonym 19 years ago! Long before we had kids or picked out names. And we never picked names according to this pseudonym. In fact Micah was supposed to be Lincoln & Addie was our hardest child to name. 

As my friend pointed out "In essence Thomas was the missing team member!"

Another crazy thing is that Bill always wanted a 4th child - I did not. Three kids in 3.5yrs will do that to you. And Micah always wanted a little brother. We got our 4th child & Micah got his little brother. (as Thomas intelligence is around a 2nd grader) And the kids relationship with Thomas is transitioning over to that of a little brother, not just their cousin.

God has been working the details out since the very Beginning - way back 19yrs ago when Bill was being cheesy creating our own family nick-name - Team D!  We continue to be blown away by God's provision, God's power & how he works out all the little details even better than we can imagine. 

- "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."  Romans 8:28

A candid discussion with Bill

Saturday morning at our breakfast date I had a honest & vulnerable discussion with Bill about Cancer. I asked him if I could share our discussion and he agreed.  What follows is our discussion in raw, honest words.

What went through your mind when you found out you might have cancer at that MRI appt? 

"I don't know what I didn't know yet, you were out of town & I was told it might be or it might not be. So I didn't know exactly yet and I had to wait. I was worried but not sure what I didn't know yet"

What went through your mind when you did finally know you had cancer?

"Fear & uncertainty at first. It's honestly cliche but in that moment I made a decision - it's how I'm wired. I face things head on. I could choose to be pissy & angry. OR I could continue to be positive and face this head on. I made a decision instantly in that moment that I was going to Fight and let God be God."

How has your cancer diagnosis affected you and our family?

"Me, Its made me more emotional & I feel like I'm on a roller coaster. As for the family - the kids don't openly talk about it. We have to pry things out of them. We've grown closer & stronger as a couple."

During this time what is most important to you?

"People. I've always valued relationship & it's always been a priority to me. But now spending time, being intentional. Putting my phone down more & living in the moment."

Anything else you want people to know?

"God is in control! And everyone has stuff but God is still on the throne.  Don't wait for something drastic like cancer to remind you of this. Ohh, I appreciate all the texts and calls. Please don't feel like you're bothering me. If I'm not doing well that day I might not respond but I will respond later. Remaining in contact with me through this important to me & gives me strength. Keep it up. And wear green on chemo days, send us your pictures of support."

God is still in control

 This week we had some setbacks. The setbacks were preventable. Who knew a breakfast burrito could ruin the trajectory of your plans?  When Bill called me I knew something was wrong...he was quiet & then I heard the cries. He was crying and saying "I messed up, I messed everything up". 

In that moment I need to comfort him & hit him upside the head were both raging within my body. I comforted him the best I could in those few minutes. Re-assuring him things were going to work out. Immediately after hanging up with him I stepped out of my office & took a walk sobbing. Why? Why did he eat that stupid burrito? That decision would now cost us a delay of 4 weeks starting chemo.

I let myself have those moments of disappointment & then made the conscious decision to move forward & give this over to God. Everything was truly out of our hands. Sure we could be upset & emotional but that wasn't going to help us. 

When Bill picked me up that day I looked him in the eyes and said "look, we can be upset but that ends now. We have to move forward & keep believing in God's plans. He hasn't forsaken us yet & he won't now",  Bill too had picked me up with his own pep talk for me. He said very similar words and we drove home in agreement. We were done being upset. God was fighting on our behalf and we would pray for his plans to manifest in his timing. Continuing to walk in his provision & Trust in Him.

Two days later we got the call. They'd found Bill a new PET scan appointment at a different hospital and his chemo was now only delayed 1 week instead of 4 weeks. We praised God & Thanked him for his provision. 

God is still fighting for us even when we feel disappointed, frustrated and abandoned. God is still there!